I did not expect…to be jealous!
I am 3 weeks into the new schedule. (roughly 17 days) but who’s counting? (um yeah this gal is)
Anyway, I was doing my thing on one of my work days. I was working from home and all of a sudden an email popped up. It was a notification from my boss that he would be out for the rest of the week, and was providing a heads up and a back up contact for himself.
When I read it, I have to admit I was complete surprised. Not necessarily surprised at the choice my boss made. But more so I was surprised at how I felt. I felt jealous. The name was not mine. Someone else’s name was in the spot mine had usually gone. I wasn’t surprised by the name. I was proud for that individual.
I wrestled with thoughts. I giggled a little inside. Mostly because the jealousy caught me off guard. I recovered, but I did ponder for a bit why that feeling rose up in me.
As I discussed it with a friend over the phone, the nugget flowed right out in mid discussion. “While writing about confidence that arises from experience, I never expected to feel so insecure.”
That was it. I was insecure. Thoughts of being forgotten, replaceable, and unchosen. It was strange. God quickly reminded me that I am on a different mission. I need to stay focused on that, and in that mission, I am chosen. He has never forgotten me, He will never replace the ONLY ME there is. He has chosen me. I have chosen Him!
Every day I am getting time to grow and continually make choices that are leading to a completely different place. A destiny that was purposed from long ago, but I had to take many roads, detours, paths along the way to get here.
Getting There…
Linette
Updated: He has chosen me. ( period) not because i chose Him, but He has chosen me period. I have chosen Him period. It is not a promise or relationship dependent. It just is. That is the core of just how free we can live. Just goes to show, I still have to process these things and remind myself.